Monday, February 07, 2005
I'm abandoning this journal.
If you want to know why, or you want to read the *new* one, email me.
bffqt@yahoo.com
much love..........
C
::7:17 AM::
Thursday, February 03, 2005
I'm reading "The Red Tent" and it's amazing. I figured I would cry, and it happened this morning........while I was on light rail on the way to work. Go figure.
Work today was tremendously stressful. How do people get so far in their career when they lack such fundemental skills like READING AND WRITING!!!??????????
Eye yi yi.
I'm overly tired and I have a sore throat. Good night.
::9:42 PM::
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
There has been a lot of stupid online drama lately and it's made me think about how people really need to get some fucking perspective.
And, sure enough, I got it.
I found out today that a friend of mine from a long time ago died. The reason she died was preventable. I knew about it when we were friends but back then I wasn't a very strong person and I didn't say as much as I probably should have to her. I definitely wasn't as good a friend to her as I should have been. Thats something I've always thought, but now that its too late to ever make ammends, that thought is a little overwhelming.
There was so much she hid from people and it pains me that she even hides in death. Even that couldn't free her.
When I met her, I envied her. We had a falling out years ago, and I still envied her from afar. I thought that she had so much going for her that she'd eventually conquer her demons. I didn't understand them I guess..........they seemed so small but they killed her. And I have those stupid stupid thoughts that maybe if I just would have reached out and apologized a couple years ago when I thought about her.....or maybe if I would have handled our friendship differently.........when she and I were friends, we were almost each others ONLY friends, every one else we knew had gone.
She was a beautiful person, deep down, just so affected. But she had a very sweet heart. Only now do I understand just how painful her life was for her and as cliche as it sounds, I hope that now at least that pain is gone for her. I just wish I could hug her one more time.
::7:05 AM::
Saturday, January 29, 2005
I live in a part of town that is largely older.......lots of victorian style homes built in the late 1800's/early 1900's. There are also a great deal of what they call "craftsman" style bungalows, circa the 40's and 50's.
These make up the majority of midtown, but there is actually a really wonderful hodge podge of EVERYTHING down here. Brand new condos and homes, victorians, 80's style stucco apartments, 60's ranch houses......everything in every state of disrepair or remodel.......owned by every kind of person imaginable.......eccentric old peple with weird landscaping, preppy yuppies with golden retrievers barking from the back yard........everyting and everyone.
I took Mickey for a walk today, because it was finally sunny, and I just reveled in how much I love my neighborhood. I can see a new thing every time I go out, I can take a new path a almost every time I go, and the houses are facinating. My favorites are the old victorians and craftsmans that have clearly been owned and lived in by the same occupant for decades. Worn in yard ornimentation, peeling paint, greying wood on the porches. They are just so much more interesting than the rest of the homes.
As I was walking today, I realized that I can't wait to not have babies around because then we could move into one of the quirky homes. It will be nice not to have to worry so much about having central heat and air or carpets on the floor. I'd like to move into a brick two story with hard wood floors and multiple fire places and maybe a little attic loft. Not too big......small enough to be cozy when occupied. And hardwood floors. But that might have to wait until the kids are older AND we have fewer animals. Hairballs and hardwood.........a nightmarish combination.
::8:25 PM::
Thursday, January 27, 2005
EEEERgh.
I had a great little post typed up and the effing internet ate it. Sometimes the internet sucks.
To sum up:
Today : awesome and beautiful
Today also: serious lack of cleaning was done
This evening: "Napoleon Dynamite".....ok, but over rated
My eyeballs: wishing they were normal, contacts hurt like a mofo, may as well wear cute glasses.
::9:00 PM::